I have wanted to type this up for a while now, but have debated about what I would say. Without going into too much detail, I wanted to share our story and how it led us to adoption.
Nathaniel and I decided in September 2015 we were ready to grow our family. A few months later, we were officially trying. We both knew it could potentially take up to a year for things to happen, so we tried our best to just see where the year would take us and enjoy what could probably be the last several months with just the two of us.
Month after month of negative signs, I just kept telling myself, "It's fine. We'll keep trying. Some couples wait YEARS and go through so many losses before having a successful pregnancy. I cannot complain." I was disappointed, yes, but still not getting nearly as upset as I expected to. I had always wanted this, but something inside me told me it might not happen. That was a scary thought. But not once did I have a "meltdown" moment. Those that know me well know that I do not show a lot of emotion. It takes a LOT or something HUGE to even make me cry. So why was I not mourning the fact that I was not pregnant?? What is wrong with me?? I honestly didn't understand it.
When we finally made the decision to go in for tests, I just kept thinking, "What if we wasted all this time and there is something wrong? How frustrating!" Ha! It took until just a couple of weeks ago for me to realize that the year was not wasted whatsoever. God took 2016 to change us. We grew closer through our excitement, frustrations, and disappointment. He was preparing us for something even bigger than we could imagine...
Around the time we were going through testing, I came across a blog about a couple who was adopting. I followed her story and thought how amazing it is that there is an outlet like adoption to not only give babies a loving, stable home, but to allow couples to become parents who may otherwise be unable to. One of the things Nathaniel and I questioned a lot while we were trying was why there are so many unwanted, unexpected pregnancies that end with children in difficult situations or aborted, when there were so many couples who long to be parents, yet couldn't for various reasons.
The closer we got to a final answer concerning our medical tests, the more we started talking about adoption. Even though it had been placed on my heart and had been something I was looking into more and more, Nathaniel was the first one to say, "Maybe this is what we're meant to do. If we are unable to have biological children, we can become parents through adoption." Goodness gracious, I could have squeezed him to pieces in that moment!
So, we made the decision before we got our final results. Rather than going through possibly years of fertility treatments with no successful pregnancies (our chances were very low even if that was a possibility), we want to be parents more than anything, so we would adopt. This was God's plan for us all along.
Adoption is by no means an easy way out. It is not for the faint of heart. We know we have a major journey ahead of us. I know someday I may break down over not going through pregnancy. Over not having some of the typical experiences others may have. But God decided to send our baby a different way, and I am okay with that. Motherhood>Pregnancy. Can someone make that into a shirt?? Seriously, though. Once I have that baby in my arms, every single part of this journey will be worth it. It already is! This baby is so loved, spoiled, and prayed for already that it makes my heart so happy. I am praying daily for the expectant mom that will make the decision to place her baby. Who will choose us. How special is that?! God has chosen our baby and the expectant mom who will bring them into the world. He will lead us to them, all in His timing. We will just be praying and preparing until then!
